'I'm afraid. I wanna come home' - Conversations released between man accused of killing Nassau deputy and his mother
The documents include emotional messages from his mother, Rena Jones, pleading with her son to contact her while he was on the run from law enforcement.
Rena Jones said it still doesn't feel real. It's been nine months since her son was accused of shooting and killing Nassau County Sheriff's Deputy Patrick Moyers.
The manhunt for her son, Patrick McDowell, spanned several days last September after investigators said McDowell fatally shot Moyers during a traffic stop. Newly released evidence in the case includes texts between McDowell and his mother in the weeks and days before the shooting.
"I am so sorry," Jones said. "I am so sorry for that family, and my son deserves to be in prison because of what he did, but there's also a reason why he did it. He wasn't himself," she said.
Jones said the man accused of murder isn't the son she knows, who was raised by a sheriff's deputy. McDowell's brother, according to court documents, is also a police officer.
Jones said McDowell, who was honorably discharged from the Marines, never got the help for his PTSD that he needed when he returned from his deployment in Iraq. She said his PTSD took over.
“What he did to that family, they’ll never get over it and I don’t blame them," Jones said.
Jones said she gets to talk to her son periodically.
"He’s adjusting because he has no choice. We all are, and for me, it still doesn’t even seem real. The whole time it was going on I got all of my information on the news and I kept saying, 'that’s not my son. It’s somebody else. Patrick didn’t do that,' but he did," Jones said.
Messages Before The Shooting "I worry every day and I'm afraid"
The FBI reviewed interviewed Jones, and reviewed her phone during its investigation. The documents released from that investigation shed light on McDowell's mindset leading up to the shooting.
The messages in the documents released start on Aug. 23, 2021. Jones reached out to her son and asked why he wasn't replying to her.
Jones: "I know you can see my messages, and I can't figure out why you won't talk to me...I guess the only time I matter is when you're in jail and need me..."
McDowell replies, explaining that his "life is a mess" and he doesn't want to make anything harder on her.
McDowell : "My head is so f***** up. I want to come back home to see you while I still can because I worry every day and I'm afraid. I've always gone to u when I'm afraid. I wanna come home even if just for a few days before something happens to me."
The discuss McDowell's recent arrest in Georgia for having guns and controlled substances in the car when police pulled the car over.
His mother encourages him to keep going and put all of the strife behind him.
Jones: "I would love to see you for a few days and you can come if you promise me that you will go back to FL and deal with what's going on there so you can get your life together ... Everyone stumbles and makes mistakes Patrick ... You have to pick yourself up and keep going and do whatever you have to do to ever have a chance of putting all this behind you."
McDowell tells his mom that his probation got messed up and that he was hiding from a warrant.
McDowell: "I got some bad news from my lawyer in Georgia and I panicked. I started to just run but I didn't know what to do."
In the emotional messages, Jones pleads with McDowell to get help and begs him not hurt himself. She says she "couldn't take it."
He responded to his mother's plea.
McDowell: "I wouldn't do that I might put myself in some bad situations but I'd never hurt myself or let someone else on purpose."
In early September, McDowell messages his mother that he is broke, exhausted and stressed. He also says his friend stole all his possessions.
McDowell: "My own g****** friend robbed me for all my s*** my phone my money my car my shotgun everything I had...I can't even put gas in my car ... I f***ing hate my life right now and I swear I am so close to just walking out of here and going to do something way wrong to get what I need ... I'm so f***ing stressed out it's more than I can even come close to handling."
Jones asks her son to call her. She also asks "how can I help?" McDowell replies, "find the mother f***** so I can go shoot him in the face."
"That's not the answer," Jones replies.
A few days later, Jones continues to encourage her son to get help.
Jones: "You can't keep running and living that way ... you have to get back on track somehow."
Patrick: "They are gonna put me in prison, I'm not giving in."
Jones: "You're not living, Patrick ... You can't keep running away ... You have to face whatever comes and deal with it."
Ten days later, Jones texts her son, "Are you ok? Please call me ... I'm so worried ... I love you, Patrick."
Five days after that text, investigators said McDowell shot and killed Deputy Moyers.
After the Shooting 'Please, just let me know you're OK'
During the five-day search for McDowell, Jones messaged her son several times asking him to let her know if he was alright. She also told him she loved him, and asked McDowell to contact her.
Jones: "Are you ok? Please call me...I'm so worried...I love you Patrick."
Jones: "Patrick I'm so scared for you...Please just let me know you're ok...I love you."
Jones: "Patrick...I close my eyes and see you out there somewhere scared...I wish you were here so I can help you to do what you need to do...I love you...Please call me..."
Jones: "Patrick I know that you're scared and I just wanna help you... I'm scared for you and I need to know that you're ok... Please please contact me... I love you and you know I'm here to help... I always have been. I couldn't stand it if anything happens to you... Please let me help you."
According to the court documents, Jones believes her son opened and read the messages, however, he didn't respond.
FBI agents also interviewed McDowell's estranged wife, Shauna Zufelt. Messages she sent McDowell were also opened and read. McDowell didn't respond, though.
McDowell has a son with Zufelt whom he had little to no contact with, according to court documents.
Agents also spoke with Timothy Jones, McDowell's brother, on Sept. 24, 2021. Timothy Jones is a police officer. He said he hadn't been in contact with McDowell for more than a year. In 2019, McDowell gave Timothy Jones' name and date of birth as his own during a traffic stop. That created "a lot of issues," according to court documents.
A Man In Crisis A history of drug abuse and aggression
Timothy Jones told agents he visited Patrick in Jacksonville not too long after 2012 in Jacksonville. He said he observed one of McDowell's friends with a plate of drugs. Timothy Jones said he was upset with McDowell and left. He said they were very close before this.
Timothy Jones also said McDowell used cocaine as a party drug. He said that progressed to heroin and fentanyl, then just fentanyl, then methamphetamines. Timothy Jones said Patrick was "highly aggressive" even before drug use.
He also said McDowell is a fisherman and a hunter who is comfortable with Florida swamps. He said he had "never seen McDowell scared of anything or anyone," according to court documents.
Timothy Jones told law enforcement that McDowell wasn't going to back down or surrender, and isn't the type to take his own life, "although Jones did not think McDowell was the type of person to shoot a police officer either given he was raised by a sheriff's deputy and his brother was a police officer and is now a Special Agent. McDowell is not the same person Jones knew a few years ago," documents state.
Timothy Jones told agents McDowell had a history of gun and drug charges, and that he stole from family members for years.
The State Attorney's Office also released letters the woman in the car with McDowell during the shooting wrote while detained.
"I can't believe what I saw last night, or maybe just wish I didn't," she wrote. "What was supposed to be a good night trail riding turned out to be something out of a horror movie. I witnessed a MURDER," she said highlighting the word murder.
"Pat murdered a police officer," she continued. "I keep thinking that man under his badge was actually a real person. What about his mom and dad, sister or brother, kids? Wife? Or dreams to have a wife and kids? What if Pat took all of that away from them with one bullet, excuse me make that two. How could he be that selfish??” the unidentified woman wrote.
Documents also detail reports from deputies who helped apprehend McDowell.
"While walking the suspect, I stated, 'He was my friend,'" one deputy wrote. "The suspect acknowledged."
A deputy at the hospital who was part of security on McDowell said he overheard McDowell tell another deputy he was a Marine, then later say he couldn't imagine what it was like for them to stand there and look at him.
Apprehension The state is seeking death
Police searched for McDowell for five days before he was captured. He is accused of shooting Deputy Moyers twice, in the face and in the back, during a traffic stop on Sept. 24, 2021. Moyers later died from the gunshot wounds in the hospital.
Nassau County deputies surrounded McDowell at a concession stand at a ball park on Sept. 28., 2021, before handcuffing him with Moyers' handcuffs.
McDowell is charged with first degree murder as well as one count of injuring or killing a police dog and eight counts of aggravated assault on a law enforcement officer. He has pleaded not guilty. The state is seeking the death penalty. McDowell is due back in court on June 23.